Dependence and Trust

What about them? What do you learn from them? How are they important in our everyday lives? Well, there are two ways to regard each of both. First, with contempt and apprehension and the other one with a wholehearted acceptance that it is the key for the betterment of our selves.

Dependence is regarded by most of us as a negative thing. Negative in what way? It is viewed as a negative aspect in our human lives if being dependent contributes nothing to your personal growth and development. How? If, for example, you are dependent on your family regarding making big decisions that they are already taking over your lives; doing just the simple things, i.e. household chores, paying the bills, etc and simply by just being unproductive. There really is no personal growth in that in a way that you do not and cannot do things on your own and you simply rely on to others to do these things for you and you also don’t contribute anything to them that would be beneficial not just to you but to the other persons as well.

But dependence can also be regarded as a positive thing when you gain something from it. The best example of this would be the emotional dependence. This is where friends, the family or a special someone comes in. What I mean here by being emotionally dependent is the way in which you share what’s inside of you to people who are closest to you who can support and at the same time challenge you emotionally. These persons are there to give you any advice and support that they could possibly give which, I think, is important for you to become strong and adept to all kinds of emotional challenges that you would possibly encounter in the future. I don’t think that any person would be able to live a life with no one to share with regarding their problems at work, in school, in their relationships with different persons and in life in general. We all have an ate, a kuya, a bessy, a true friend, a babes, a mom and dad, an insan, a tito/tita, a lolo/lola, or even a manang who are the first person/s whom we open our hearts to regarding our “stresses” in our daily lives.

Next is trust. Trust is perceived by most people as a priceless thing but to others, it could be as cheap as rubber slippers which you could “use up” and “dispose” after you’re through with it. Some people trust other people easily while some do not. Others find it hard to gain back their trust on someone after being hurt while others can easily gain it back and just try to “forgive and forget.” Other people regard it with disdain and apprehension simply to put up a wall that would shield them from being hurt again. Others, despite of being hurt, perceive it as a way of making “true” connections with people.

Personally, I don’t really place myself on either of these categories. It is like more of a combination of these categories that somehow made me regard trust in a different “light.” I can be very trusting sometimes but sometimes I am a cynic. If you were able to read my personality test, it says there that I have a healthy dose of cynicism. I trust people as long as they play fair. This is indeed true about me. In this case, you become a better judge of character. I’m sure most of us don’t trust completely persons whom we have just met but we do trust them a little. I think it’s more like we are hoping that we could really trust them completely after being with that person/s for a long time.

Regarding “broken” trust, yes, I will be very offended and hurt but I am also willing to give a second chance even if it meant that there will be “cracks” that would give way to your doubts about that person. But if in that second chance, that person still failed to fill up even a little of those “cracks,” then, that would be the time that I have to say, “I’m sorry, but I really don’t trust you.” And when I say that, I really mean it. There really is no point in trying to trust persons with whom you have given lots of chances already but keep on failing in gaining your trust back.

There is only one key idea that I think is prevalent in the opinions I have written here. And that is to have not too much and not too little trust and dependence on persons around us, persons we have met or we will meet. Don’t be one-sided. Learn to weigh things as to which of them is appropriate for any given situation. Be flexible and learn to adjust. What really is important is the fact that you are creating good relationships with different kinds of people who have different personalities that would help you fit in easily and comfortably with these people who are from different walks of life.

Social experience is I think the best experience that one could possibly get regarding life. This is where you learn different values that will help you in the way you regard people and life and in the betterment of yourself as an individual. Living a good life is not about the material wealth that you have but it is really the successful relationships that you have created with the persons who are part or have been part of your life as they would say. That’s what I call, “living healthy.”

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