Yes. I think I have it.
Although I wasn’t diagnosed, I believe I have a Bipolar Disorder II with Hypomania. It is mild but it still is a condition. Here is a link re bipolar disorder to help you understand better: http://isites.harvard.edu/fs/docs/icb.topic449381.files/Adobe_Acrobat_Format/WLecture_10_-_Bipolar_Disorder.pdf.
The news re Robin Williams’ death saddened me and reminded me of what I went through battling depression. The reason I took Special Education now is for me to understand myself more. Because the moment you realized you are different than others, you will seek ways to help yourself and you want to help others too who may be going through the same thing.
Most of you think I am naturally gifted with those “talents.” 🙂 The truth of the matter is, they are skills I acquired to help me combat depression without the medications. Doing art, playing the guitar, photography, dancing, writing and all my other hobbies all helped me take my mind off those depressive thoughts – they sidetrack all feelings of anxiety, paranoia and fear.
I attempted to commit suicide twice. The one incident wherein I was almost successful doing it was year 2012 after a very stressful and violent breakup.
BUT it was also that year that I got SAVED. I was introduced to the faith January 2012 and made my altar call during the Singles’ Getaway last September 2012. I created this blog October 2012 which now became my “megaphone” for my faith and my spiritual journey.
If I have been vocal about my faith in all social networking sites, it is not because I seek for attention nor for popularity but because I intend to share the FAITH that saved me from committing the greatest sin that one could ever do while alive and encourage those who are almost losing hope as well to not give up.
Cry your heart out. Belt it out. Drop down on your knees, repent, pray aloud, cry His Name aloud, seek for His Grace BUT NEVER GIVE UP.
Because God did not give up on you and me. He sent His son Jesus Christ into this world to suffer the pain for us, to save us from our sins – to give us HOPE.
NO ONE and NOTHING else can save you from what you are going through EXCEPT our GOD. The moment you surrender your life to Him, you will feel His presence in your every living moment. You will feel the Holy Spirit in you. God will give you opportunities to a new life and a chance to redeem yourself.
God used the skills I acquired and my circumstances to make me better and stronger so I can serve Him, serve others too and spread the good news. God surrounded me with people who helped in bringing me closer to Him, who will remind me of Him. Because of God, I don’t look back in my past with pain and regret. I see my past as God opening the doors to a new life – spiritually restored and healed.
Bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition. There is no cure. There are only protective factors if you don’t want to go on medication. Although the latter shall be decided upon assessment of a medical professional. Seek help if it is too much to bear. I sought help from my spiritual family and I always have this verse to remind me every time I have those depressive episodes and it gives my life a purpose and meaning:
“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” – John 15:4
If it wasn’t for the faith, I’ve long been dead. This testimony will speak how it really means to be BORN AGAIN through the Cross and through God’s love. 🙂
“For it is by Grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” – Ephesians 2:8