We Just Don’t Know

I was in the middle of washing dishes when a thought moved me to a realization, moved me to tears that moved me to declare God’s Greatness.

And the only thing I could blurt was: “How could I be so negative about everything just because what has happened or what is happening are not what I have expected?”

I have learned that working abroad and leaving your family behind is not an option for every couple. I believe this is the reason why more emphasis on this is given nowadays to every young couple. And though I have learned this now, it somehow gave me an opportunity to regard couples who have already made this decision in a negative way thinking why they made that decision or why did God allow them to make that decision – which is wrong.

Because by doing so I was judging them unknowingly. It was only today that the Spirit led me to God’s answers. A gentle tugging of the heart that led to once and again and as always – humility.

My fiance grew up in this set up. I do not know how it was for him as he never shared anything to me about this and I don’t want to be the first to ask him. Guys never share emotional stuff on a regular basis compared to the ladies. 😉

But I did feel the lack that he feels. Especially when as a future husband now, we got to talk things about priorities and me wanting my children to grow up in a setup wherein both of us are physically present advising him that their parents’ case is different than ours. And I cannot tell if I hurt him in one of those conversations touching one deep wound or scar.

And yet this is where God proved to be so faithful in His promises. When I met my fiance, he did not fulfill the requirements that our church asks in choosing a Godly man for a partner. But like I shared previously, my fiance believes in God, goes to church but did not go thru the “legalities”  of the church to be saved or like how I was saved.

I prayed to God about this in the Prayer and Fasting 2014. And when we became a couple, I have made my decision without a doubt. But little did I know that this little “technical issue” could be used by the enemy to deceive me with his lies.

And yet I also believed that God allowed it to happen so I could be tested. A lot of conflicts came to the point that I always tell him it is because he is not yet that devoted that is why we are having these conflicts. And yet God would always rebuke me to the point of utmost humility that it is actually I who have so little faith.

This verse was His reminder:

“Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law. And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law.” – Galatians 2:16

Daily Devotion

Daily Devotion

And also this:

“Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong.” – Romans 14:1

Then I told my fiance once that as my future husband he will be the spiritual leader of our family – a concept that he had a hard time grasping as he didn’t know how because this was not the kind of family he came from.

And yet God was so faithful. For though my fiance’s Dad is so far away from them and he gets to visit the family for a short period of time once a year, God still made sure he will fulfill his role as the spiritual leader of his family.

Yes, no oceans are wide enough and no land is ever far enough for God’s love and His promises to be fulfilled, which was the realization that I had just now.

My fiance shared to me that two of his dad’s best coworkers were here in the Philippines for a visit and requested they all have dinner with them. He told me that these two are the ones that his Dad are closest with at work and gets to share a lot of things with. And what I heard next from my fiance came as a surprise to me:

“They told me and Buds that my Dad would always tell them that they reminded him of his sons back home as they are our age. But what made me cry is when they told us that our Dad would tell them everything about us and how hard it is to live without your family.”

And it was also this that I cried. For I believe those two work buddies were actually angels sent by God to accompany my fiance’s Dad all throughout the different seasons that he is in away from home. God honored the sacrifice and yet it could also be so that God’s plans will be completed. For it was also through them that my fiance’s Dad exemplified the role as the spiritual leader of his family. For he would request my fiance to download podcasts during church service and the movies that he selected that has something to do with faith. My fiance gets to hear those podcasts and gets to download the movies and he gets to watch it too.

One of those two buddies also happen to have a fiance who is a SpEd teacher in California. The same as the field I am specializing right now and most definitely will be my future career too. 🙂

You wouldn’t believe me, but I know you would just like I did when my fiance told me what were the names of the two best buddies of his Dad at work – Job and Revelation. 😉

I have long held on to the fact that nothing is ever a coincidence with God may it be good or bad in our own knowledge and interpretation. And I believe it is in this faith that God made me see how true He is in His promises. I read the book of Revelation and it all came as a promise of an assured hope.

I held on to my relationship with my fiance though times would come that we are sure we could not see the light anymore and we are sure that we are becoming totally exactly the opposite that God wanted us to become – totally undeserving of His mercy and forgiveness.  And yet God stayed faithful and true to His promise in these times of vulnerability and “nakedness.” By prayers, forgiveness and faith, my fiance and I held on to our commitment as an act of honoring God, His unwavering love and His faithfulness.

It is in this relationship that I was brought closer to God. It is in this relationship that I sought Him with all my heart. And it is in this relationship that I was more in tune with the Spirit, the bible verses became more meaningful to me and I can apply what I am learning from the Scripture. It was thru his mom that I got my first ever Our Daily Bread devotional which feeds my spiritual hunger daily and it is thru my fiance’s Dad that I got hold of the Spikenard Magdalena perfume which prompted me to read more about it learning more Godly wisdom in the process.

In short, it is in this relationship that I am learning more of God and His love every single breathing moment that I make each day.

It’s just that, I didn’t know – at first. And I used to have so little faith. 😉

“For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:9

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