I am still a work in progress and God is still in the process of chipping those unnecessary chunks of traits in me i.e. a little bit of fear there, a little bit of insecurity there, and so on and so forth.
I just find it amusing how God aligns circumstances in a way that when you are going thru them, it is like a mist that is blurring your vision completely and you are literally lost. Then when it clears up you’ll realize you’re still on track and you are still being guided.
That was how my September ended and woke up to October. It clearly was a nasty month for me with major life decisions I have to weigh and decide here and there then unprecedented incidents came butting in. All I could remember was Job in the bible throughout this month and I kept asking myself: “am I barely surviving, am I thriving or am I still on the right track?”
Well, the story of “Footprints In The Sand” became my guiding force.
True enough, when I was about to open my journal where I write my daily devotion, bible verses and learnings in faith (the recent pages seem to be filling every single space with them prayers, letters of gratitude, outbursts, rejoices), the page month of October greeted me with bold letters: BOLDNESS.
So this is why Lord You have kept me in this mist of wilderness and confusion. You are asking me to be bold – with my faith, my decisions, of who I am and what I should do. Prior to this, I saw this hair strand beautifully aligned in the bathroom sink in the figure of a number – a perfectly shaped 8. 888 is Jesus’ number in Hebrew. Guess what, I was patient number 8 too when I had my 2nd blood extraction for the cbc – a reminder once again. 🙂
Although bad news because my platelet count dropped from 304 to a whopping 115 after just 4 days. So I am on operation rehydrate big time. I am scheduled to have my 3rd cbc tomorrow and if my platelet count gets even lower, confinement here I come. My first, if ever, in 30 years. 🙂
So I was in deep retrospection. I have this strange and yet familiar feeling that there will be days I won’t be writing articles in my blog posts but they will be in the form of v-logs or video logs. I take it I need to make the most of the wordplay now while I still have the chance. Especially when medicines you take seem to take no effect anymore and the feeling of fatigue, aching joints, numbness in the hands, headache and recurring high fever are still there.
I actually thought about shaving my head a la Job. *wink* Nope, not out of despair but having long locks while unwell can be very taxing especially when after combing a few strokes, your arms and limbs start to feel shaky and you haven’t even finished combing halfway. Not to mention, I have frizzy hair! 😀
Diamonds need to be polished so it’ll look beautiful, almost perfect and blemish free. Same as the heart. It may not be palpably discovered but a heart that’s been calloused for 27 years of layers of deep seated anger and sin indeed require a tremendous heart surgery and something as hard as that needs something as firm and steady to keep the chipping away going until the new structure is revealed.
As the saying goes, “God is after the condition of our hearts.”
It is hardly noticeable on the exterior that is why it is only God who sees the very nature of it. That is why too He is the only one capable of renewing it. Trials are part of it.
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6
And of course, never a trial without this prayer of David:
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” – Psalms 23: 1-6
And the Lord says,
“…And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” – Matthew 28:20
So we can say in the end,
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” – 2 Timothy 4:7